My first of many blog posts.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I was too insecure to post anything (for 10+ years to be exact) and whenever I did muster up the courage to press “publish,” I might as well have erased the blog since I never shared it (nor wrote any more posts.) In those wilderness years of putting my pen down, not typing, and letting the journal in my heart evaporate into a cloud, I started to believe the emotions I felt – voiceless. It took almost turning 30 and birthing my handsome joy-filled son to acknowledge the cloud for what it is: lies, and acknowledge why I haven’t grown past them: disobedience.
When we use our gifts, the enemy goes to work – he doesn’t want us pursuing any thing that builds up the body of Christ. So what does he do? He lies to us until the lies become our feelings and our feelings consume us, even to paralysis. Though true, let’s not give the enemy so much credit. Yes, he lied. But I lied to myself. I said I believed who God says I am but I lived in doubt. I said I believed what God said I can do but I lived in fear. I chose to believe lies, thus choosing not to pursue what God told me too, thus basically becoming the swarming locust of my own life. It was my disobedience that made me insecure. I tried to blame the devil, but God quickly and quietly reminded me that not everything is the devil’s fault. I did have a choice.
You also have a choice. You can stay in the same place you’ve been for 10 more years (talking to myself) or choose to believe God and what He says about you, your calling and your purpose. Will you still get insecure some days? Probably. Will it scare you? Yes. But will it fulfill you and add to your life? Definitely. Every time we move in the path of God, the chains of bondage are broken until the shackles burst because “I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten” Joel 2:25 (even if you were your own locust).
So here’s my choice: I am a child of God first, a Wife second and a Mother third, here to invite you on my journey and join others in their journeys with God, marriage and parenthood all while taking the feelings out and putting the Bible in because let’s face it, our feelings will get us no where fast, but the Word of God gives us direction.